Interfering Neurotic

Dating While Neurotic

It’s a jungle out there for functional neurotics looking for love. Dating demands you bring your best self to the table, but what truths do we disguise in our effort to make ourselves more appealing and palatable to others?
Coming up, we explore:
What it means to be passionate and intense when men want laid back and easy going
Going with your gut when a dynamic doesn’t feel  right
Why it feels risky to put your big-feelings on display too soon
And why it’s alright to be an acquired taste
——
 
Show notes:
 
We love hearing from you! We’re active on Instagram @ashking & @daronlarson (find us, DM us!)
 
Be part of the conversation via our Instagram Channel here:
https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbaBFH6hH-ALvmgB/?igsh=cHQwcDIwOWRidTZv
 
You can also find us on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter?X and TikTok
 
Or reach us via email: ash@ashking.com.au & daron@daronlarson.com
 
Subscribe to Daron’s Substack: https://daronlarson.substack.com/
 
Check out Ash’s shop (with mental health and mindfulness goodies. Heavy Mental merch and any upcoming courses or workshops): https://www.heavymental.com.au/shop
 
Music by @nikitakarmen

The Severance Strategy

Do you routinely cut yourself off from feeling? Do you bristle at the act of having to perform a “work-friendly” version of yourself? There are many ways we compartmentalise ourselves and our emotions.
Coming up, we explore:
The themes of Severance, and what they mean for authenticity and emotional truth
Taking a break from the “performance of identity”
Emotional pain avoidance and why its not a workable strategy
And the healing power of feeling in concert with others
——
 
Show notes:
We love hearing from you! We’re active on Instagram @ashking & @daronlarson (find us, DM us!)
Be part of the conversation via our Instagram Channel here:
https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbaBFH6hH-ALvmgB/?igsh=cHQwcDIwOWRidTZv
 
You can also find us on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter?X and TikTok
 
Or reach us via email: ash@ashking.com.au & daron@daronlarson.com
 
Subscribe to Daron’s Substack: https://daronlarson.substack.com/
 
Check out Ash’s shop (with mental health and mindfulness goodies. Heavy Mental merch and any upcoming courses or workshops): https://www.heavymental.com.au/shop
 
Music by @nikitakarmen
 
—
 
Collective Illusions: Conformity, Complicity and the Science of Why We Make Bad Decisions (book by Todd Rose)
https://www.amazon.com.au/Collective-Illusions-Conformity-Complicity-Decisions/dp/0306925680
 
Severance (TV series directed by Ben Stiller)
 
The Substance (film directed by Coralie Fargeat)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Substance
 
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (film directed by Michel Gondry)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_Sunshine_of_the_Spotless_Mind
 
“Emotions are like children - You don't want them driving the car, but you shouldn't stuff them in the trunk either."

Perfecting the Silent Treatment

Are you an expert at the sulk and serving up the silent treatment? It can be hard enough managing our own big feelings but what about when we need to let our loved ones in on our emotional chaos in a way that won’t leave them running for the hills?
 
In this ep, we chat about:
Pre-gaming emotional tiffs before they blow out
Growing out of the allure of the soulmate and having grown-up conversations
Sharing observations, feelings and stating what we need in our relationships
And what happens when we say what we want, but we still don’t get it
——
 
Show notes:
 
We love hearing from you! We’re active on Instagram @ashking & @daronlarson (find us, DM us!)
 
Be part of the conversation via our Instagram Channel here:
https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbaBFH6hH-ALvmgB/?igsh=cHQwcDIwOWRidTZv
 
You can also find us on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter?X and TikTok
 
Or reach us via email: ash@ashking.com.au & daron@daronlarson.com
 
Subscribe to Daron’s Substack: https://daronlarson.substack.com/
 
Check out Ash’s shop (with mental health and mindfulness goodies. Heavy Mental merch and any upcoming courses or workshops): https://www.heavymental.com.au/shop
 
Music by @nikitakarmen
 
—
 
Essays In Love - Alain de Botton (Book)
 
Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication - Oren J. Sofer (Book)
 
Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Remedy to Rumination

We finish off our two-parter on overthinking and take a deep dive into the emotions we’re ignoring when we retreat into rumination.
 
We explore:
Whether complex emotions are the culprits luring us into overthinking
Why “why” is a fraught question to ask ourselves when we’re feeling vulnerable
How to get out of our heads and into our bodies with mindfulness-based inquiry
And the challenge smart people face in stepping away from the intellectual into something more poetic and slippery
——
 
Show notes:
 
We love hearing from you! We’re active on Instagram @ashking & @daronlarson (find us, DM us!)
 
Be part of the conversation via our Instagram Channel here:
https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbaBFH6hH-ALvmgB/?igsh=cHQwcDIwOWRidTZv
 
You can also find us on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter?X and TikTok
 
Or reach us via email: ash@ashking.com.au & daron@daronlarson.com
 
Subscribe to Daron’s Substack: https://daronlarson.substack.com/
 
Check out Ash’s shop (with mental health and mindfulness goodies. Heavy Mental merch and any upcoming courses or workshops): https://www.heavymental.com.au/shop
 
Music by @nikitakarmen
 
—
 
Reel: Gary from Connecticut, "We don’t need your “under-thinking” thoughts"
https://www.instagram.com/p/DGJMg0tRcKV/
 
Loving Kindness With Self-Compassion. Kristin Neffhttps://insig.ht/r7J9wfOY4Nb
 
Edie Brickell, Me By The Seahttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XqoeyLwiX4

The Feeling of Overthinking

Overthinking is the plight of many of us big feelers - but if it leaves us feeling worse, why do we do it at all? and what might we do instead?
 
Coming up, we chat about:
Greys Anatomy as a tool of emotional catharsis
Whether rumination is the same as a compulsive behaviour
The itchiness of emotionally-charged 2am thoughts
How we can mindfully intervene when we’re lured by the siren song of overthinking
 
——
 
Show notes:
 
We love hearing from you! We’re active on Instagram @ashking & @daronlarson (find us, DM us!)
 
Be part of the conversation via our Instagram Channel here:
https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbaBFH6hH-ALvmgB/?igsh=cHQwcDIwOWRidTZv
 
You can also find us on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter?X and TikTok
 
Or reach us via email: ash@ashking.com.au & daron@daronlarson.com
 
Subscribe to Daron’s Substack: https://daronlarson.substack.com/
 
Check out Ash’s shop (with mental health and mindfulness goodies. Heavy Mental merch and any upcoming courses or workshops): https://www.heavymental.com.au/shop
 
Music by @nikitakarmen
 
—
 
Article: Anger and Catharsis: Myth, Metaphor or Reality? [Psychology Today]
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/evil-deeds/200909/anger-and-catharsis-myth-metaphor-or-reality
 
Book: You Are Not A Rock - Mark Freemanhttps://www.markfreeman.ca/books/
 
TV Series: Greys Anatomy https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0413573/
 
Movie: Freaky Friday
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0322330/
 
Article: Why Do I Get So Hot When I Sleep? [Sleep Foundation]
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-faqs/why-do-i-get-so-hot-when-i-sleep
 
Article: Elevated body temperature is associated with depressive symptoms: results from the TemPredict Study [Nature]
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-51567-w

How To Talk So Non-Neurotics Will Listen

When big feelings are a huge feature of your life, how do you understand the people in your life who experience their emotions in different ways? And how might we communicate better so they can understand the weird emotional ways we operate?
 
We chat about:
Needing responsible role models of people who feel big feelings
Questions to ask the non-neurotics in your life when you’re tearing your hair out wondering what’s going on for them
The illusion of empathy and how making assumptions about other people’s emotional states can be a slippery slope
Our desperation for resolution, and learning to sit with uncertainty
Show notes:
We love hearing from you! We’re active on Instagram @ashking & @daronlarson (find us, DM us!)
Be part of the conversation via our Instagram Channel here:
https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbaBFH6hH-ALvmgB/?igsh=cHQwcDIwOWRidTZv
You can also find us on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter?X and TikTok
Or reach us via email: ash@ashking.com.au & daron@daronlarson.com
Subscribe to Daron’s Substack: https://daronlarson.substack.com/
Check out Ash’s shop (with mental health and mindfulness goodies. Heavy Mental merch and any upcoming courses or workshops): https://www.heavymental.com.au/shop
Music by @nikitakarmen

Emotionally Elegant

Being emotional is often synonymous with instability, drama and difficulty. How might we create a new narrative for emotionality that doesn't leave us branded as walking disasters?
Coming up, we dive into:
Ash’s mindfulness spa experiment and how marathon training is like a meditation retreat
People’s discomfort with your discomfort and the agony of being reminded “You Got This”
Becoming emotionally bilingual with a partner whose love language involves spreadsheets
Taking responsibility for our big feelings and exploring the quest to become more emotionally elegant
 
Show notes:
 
We love hearing from you! We’re active on Instagram @ashking & @daronlarson (find us, DM us!)
Be part of the conversation via our Instagram Channel here:
https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbaBFH6hH-ALvmgB/?igsh=cHQwcDIwOWRidTZv
You can also find us on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter?X and TikTok
Or reach us via email: ash@ashking.com.au & daron@daronlarson.com
Subscribe to Daron’s Substack: https://daronlarson.substack.com/
Check out Ash’s shop (with mental health and mindfulness goodies. Heavy Mental merch and any upcoming courses or workshops): https://www.heavymental.com.au/shop
Music by @nikitakarmen

Feeling Your Feelings: 101

We're often encouraged to "feel our feelings" as a route to healing and greater self-awareness, but what does it even mean? And exactly how does one go about it?
This episode explores:
The difference between feelings and emotions
How to tease apart physical vs emotional sensations
Why sense-making gets in the way of us feeling feelings in our bodies
Ash's dating life, and how it feels - literally
And we leave you with a mini-challenge to try out in your own life, to work at becoming a better emotional connoisseur
Show notes:
“You Aren’t at the Mercy of Your Feelings—Your Brain Creates Them,” TED Talk by Lisa Feldman Barrett
“Mapping Emotions On The Body: Love Makes Us Warm All Over,” Michaeleen Doucleff, Dec. 30, 2013
100 Days of Rejection Therapy from Jia Jiang
Misattribution of Fear for Arousal (the scary bridge study), Dutton & Aron (1974)chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://sanlab.psych.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/31/2016/03/Dutton-Aron-1974-arousal.pdf
Follow along with Daron's guided exercise, Emotional Meteorology: https://daronlarson.substack.com/p/emotional-meteorology
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Follow Ash & Daron on IG: @ashking @daronlarson
Music by @nikitakarmen

Oversharing: It’s An Art

Why are we drawn to sharing our inner worlds, and is it more urgent and more complicated when you're neurotic?
This episode explores:
The urge to take our private journaling public
The personality types that have an easier time keeping it real
The benefits of spilling your guts online
If living mindfully is incongruent with doing it “for the plot”?
Performance anxiety - but the role is ‘acting human’
And we leave you with three key things to consider before sharing your inner world elsewhere
Show notes:
What Do I Know?: Essential Essays by Montaigne: https://www.amazon.com.au/What-Do-Know-Essential-Essays/dp/1782278818
Ash’s Thesis: https://hdl.handle.net/2123/32466
The appeal of “real” in parasocial interaction: The effect of self-disclosure on message acceptance via perceived authenticity and liking by Hye Soo Nah: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563222001522
'I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face' - Franz Kafka
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Follow Ash & Daron on IG: @ashking @daronlarson
Music by @nikitakarmen

Emotionally "Unstable"? Who, Me?

This is Interfering Neurotic with me, Dr Ash King, and mindfulness coach, Daron Larson - where we navigate a life lived with the curses and blessings of big feelings.
Coming up, we explore: 
The reality show that is US politics and how we feel about it
The Big 5 Personality Test and what ingredients make for a neurotic individual
Art and creativity as a safe space for the emotional experience
The benefits of being more objective to our subjective experiences
And the pro’s and con’s of sharing our feelings and struggles with the wider world
---
Show notes:
Educated - Tara Westover [Book]
How 'Poor Things' actor Emma Stone turns her anxiety into a 'superpower' [Interview with Terry Gross] https://www.npr.org/2024/03/08/1236564681/how-poor-things-actor-emma-stone-turns-her-anxiety-into-a-superpower
The Big 5 Personality Assessment https://www.idrlabs.com/big-five-subscales/test.php
Is neuroticism really bad for you? Dynamics in personality and limbic reactivity prior to, during and following real-life combat stress [Journal Article] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352289521000692
Follow Ash & Daron on IG: @ashking @daronlarson
Music by @nikitakarmen